I count myself lucky to have so many trusted resources to go to when in need of parenting help. I spent a good amount of time catching up with friends, Greg, my sister, my mom, and teachers last week in an effort to better understand my daughter and figure out how to best navigate our new waters. I won't even begin to pretend that I have it all figured out -- but I'm feeling somewhat hopeful that we're at least in the right boat.

It appears that Cate is at a point in her life where she is looking for more independence and responsibility. I often find myself in the role of conductor to help get everything done that needs to get done. This is in conflict with her desire to do things when and how she wants to. When I'm micromanaging the small things, it ends up in blow-ups over small things where we both dig in our heels. My current effort is to try to back away from the micromanaging and find some tools for her to manage her own affairs within the confines of a schedule.

This week I bought her a special notebook and special pens for her to write down a daily "to do" list. The idea is that once she knows what needs to get done and the time constraints on those activities, I will back away and let her do them in her own way and time. If she does them without reminders, she'll get a marble for her marble job. If I need to remind her, she won't get a marble. If it doesn't get done at all, I'll take a marble. Once the marble jar is filled, she can select a goodie.

Friday was our first day with the new method and it was the BEST day of our lives. She had quite a few things to do -- packing for a slumber party, wrapping the present, doing a bit of homework. She took glee and joy in looking through her to do list and marking them off, and then giving herself a marble. This is yesterday's to do list, and I think she is finding the outer limits of scheduling joy. She found that her over-zealous scheduling didn't leave room for unexpected pleasures, like finishing up a marathon Monopoly game with dad. She took the time to do that, but then felt flustered that her "schedule" didn't match the reality of her day.

Today I will encourage her to use the schedule as a more simplistic tool -- maybe writing down the "mandatory" things and the "optional" things along with a simple time deadline. That way she can have some prioritization of things and more flexibility. Still, I'm encouraged that this may help me feel less like a micromanager and give her the responsibility she's craving. Already, it is improving our relationship and things are getting done. I pray that it will continue to work for her.