Over the past month or two, we've been dealing with a new developmental stagewith Christopher -- the 8-9 year old grab for independence. At first I was appalled and a bit depressed thinking that I must have royally messed up somewhere in my mothering skills. We've been seeing way too much talking back, arguing, foot stomping, and door slamming. A usual conversation might go something like the following:

Mom: Time to take a shower, Christopher!
Christopher: But why? I took a shower yesterday!
Mom: No, actually it's been 2 days now and you're starting look like it. You need a shower today. Go do it now and then we can snuggle up on the couch with books (or watch a favorite movie, or play a little bit of Rock Band).
Christopher: But mom, why? I don't need a shower. I don't like taking showers! (voice rising to a near shrill)
Mom: Bud, it doesn't matter if you like it or not. It's something we all have to do for good hygiene. If you don't take a shower, you'll stay dirty and be much more likely to get sick. Just do it quickly so we can go have fun.
Christopher: I don't want to take a shower! I won't do it! (foot stomp. Definite shrill in the voice. Beginning to yell)
Mom: Christopher, you have to take a shower. You can do it the easy way or the hard way. The hard way means we have no time for fun because we've spent all that time discussing your shower. Just go take your shower! (voice also beginning to get shrill. Voice also beginning to yell).

Yes, this conversation can go on and on for a good 15 minutes. Lately, I've put a kabosh on it by starting the good old "1-2-3 Magic" and counting until 3. If he isn't on his way to the shower by 3 he has a 10 minute time out. If he gets two time outs in a day he loses TV, computers, video games etc for 24 hours. It has helped but it still requires more energy than I think it should for an 8-year old. Where has this defiance come from, I would wonder?

Given this background, I've become grateful for days like today. We served at the Downtown Soup Kitchen today and Christopher was thrilled to get to join us. He's often in school on our days to serve and misses it terribly when he can't join us. He was an old pro today. He jumped right back into things, knowing exactly what to do, how to help, what words to say. He was kind and joyful with the clients and other volunteers, he got to do new "jobs" at the kitchen since he's getting older (God love Vicki, the supervisor. She is so good at pushing the kids to do what they are able especially as they get older and can handle more). Other volunteers we serve with on the Tuesday crew were amazed by him. Several came up to tell me what a wonderful child he is and how proud they were of him. He was a gold medalist!

Just what I needed to hear! Yes, we may have continuing issues with showers and whatnot, but in the core things of value that I hope to help develop in my children (compassion, seving others, doing your best)-- he came up aces today!

Oh, and P.S. The other thing I'm grateful for? Recent discussions with several parents I admire with kids the same age. And guess what? They were having similar discusssions with their children. It has made me think we are dealing with a normal developmental stage rather than being a sign that I have somehow missed the "good parents" boat. Whew! Now -- when does this stage end?